Posts Tagged 'Relationships'
Forgive yourself; but not so fast!
Published January 9, 2012 Grief and Loss , Mental Health Issues , Relationships Leave a CommentTags: finding happiness, grief, Grief and Loss, intentional living, making changes, Relationships, therapy
On the contrary, it’s much more helpful – and mature – to dwell long enough to review your behavior and seriously think about how to avoid it in the future. In this time of reflection you may discover underlying issues that helped propel you to regretful conduct, and thereby have a chance to not only avoid similar circumstance, but to heal yourself and reconcile with others in a more meaningful way.
It’s about time!
Published December 5, 2011 Musings Leave a CommentTags: finding happiness, intentional living, making changes, Relationships
Imagine that you had won the following prize in a
contest:
Each morning your bank would deposit $86,400.00 in your private account for your use.
However, this prize has rules, just as any game has rules.
The first set of rules would be:
1) Everything that you didn’t spend during each day would be taken away from you.
2) You may not transfer money into some other account. You may only spend it. 3) Each morning upon awakening, the bank opens your account with another $86,400.00 for that day.
The second set of rules - there’s only one!:
The bank can end the game without warning; at any time it can say “It’s over, the game is over!” and you will not be invited to play again. Your account is permanently closed!
What would you do?
You would buy anything and everything you wanted, right? Not only for yourself, but also for people you love, right? And you would do as many “good” things as you could for everyone everywhere. You would try to spend as much of it as you possibly could doing good things for the planet, its people, and the creatures we share it with.
ACTUALLY This GAME is REALITY!
Each of us is in possession of such a magical bank. We just can’t seem to see it.
The MAGICAL BANK is TIME!
Each morning we awaken to receive 86,400
seconds as a gift of life, and when we go to sleep at night, any remaining time is NOT credited to us.
What we haven’t lived up that day is forever
lost.
Yesterday is forever gone.
Each morning the account is refilled, but the bank can dissolve your account at any
time….WITHOUT WARNING.
SO, what will YOU do with your 86,400 seconds?
Those seconds are worth so much more than the
same amount in dollars.
Think about that, and always think of this:
Enjoy every second of your life, because time races by so much quicker than you think.
So take care of yourself, be Happy, Love Deeply and enjoy life! 
Start spending!
Hey there, Sad Girl.
Published May 16, 2011 Grief and Loss , Relationships Leave a CommentTags: Grief and Loss, loss, lost love, love and therapy, missing someone you love, Relationships
My client came to his initial sessions in deep despair. He felt betrayed by someone who had claimed to love him. Lies had been told about him, and some of those lies had found their way to people willing to use them for their own ends. She had let that happen when she could have stopped it. It also hurt that he had done the opposite: remained silent about her betrayal and her hurtful behavior.
Now though, a couple of years later, he had gained more perspective, felt more at peace, and began to express his understanding that she too had suffered – though it was important for him to point out to me that her pain had been from the actions of others and not from him.
So he now thought that perhaps
he and she shared something poignant even if unwanted: a deep and abiding sadness over the way they had parted and for the people who had been hurt, themselves included.
He told me he had a message for her; that both his love and his sadness are enduring, and that her love and sadness are remembered.
I thought that sounded just about right.
If you have a deep and abiding sadness that sometimes wraps itself around you at unexpected moments, consider seeking the support and guidance of a qualified
psychotherapist. Perhaps you too can reach across an invisible divide and gently touch the memory of that certain someone.
Loving Beyond Your Means?
Published March 28, 2011 Relationships 2 CommentsTags: interracial relationships, Relationships, turmoil in relationships
We all know what it means when someone says they are “living beyond their means. In general most of us would agree that it’s not a good idea, but still, there are those unique 
opportunities to invest in something promising and with a strong likelihood of living up our hopes and dreams.
What about when you’re investing, and perhaps over investing, in Someone instead of something?
My client, an intelligent and accomplished woman, told me about her long-time companion who subtly but persistently kept a distance between them, possibly because the social club to which he belonged implicitly frowned on his relationship with her. Yes, she was of a different ethnicity. He professed love, and in fact
acted in ways that showed her he did care. Yet, ten years later had not asked for marriage, and continued to actively participate in the organization, almost always without her.
She had, at the very beginning of our sessions, discussed one of her previous relationships. She had not felt that her partner really ever embraced her emotionally. He had never made her feel special, and certainly had not ever given others the impression she was special in his life. She’d left him, hoping to find someone who truly cherished her. And now, once again, her lover was choosing, though differently and for different reasons, someone/something else. She loved him deeply, yet felt confused and conflicted about some of the complexity of her relationship.
We spent many hours discussing her feelings and perspective on her relationship. I began to see how she was being diminished by his subtle response to the one thing she could not change, and how this then had, in fact, softly changed her.
The most poignant part of this story was her own awareness of feeling diminished, yet her determination to softly forgive him and to fiercely love him, no matter what. She just believed that he loved her, and that it would all right one day soon.
Love is the most important investment you can make. And occasionally, yes, one may knowingly, and with gentle surrender, ”spend” beyond their means.
Quotes for Intentional Living – 2/12/11
Published February 12, 2011 Quotes for Intentional Living Leave a CommentTags: famous quotes, happy valentine's day, inspirational quotes, love, quotes for intentional living, Relationships, valentine's day
Quote for Intentional Living
“I want to do things so wild with you that I don’t know how to say them.”
~Anaïs Nin to Henry Miller
Meltdown in the Barbie aisle
Published July 20, 2010 Musings Leave a CommentTags: growing up, Relationships
Be a doll, and help me pick out a gift!
My client told me a story about an argument she had with her partner, a parent of a young girl, about what toys to buy as a surprise for the child. The girl had previously asked for a doll, and so my client and her partner marched with determination into the toy section of a local big-box story; only to be confronted with what she considered an ultimate insult to her personal brand of feminism: dozens of Barbie dolls. So they had an argument; about money, about the available selection of toys, and about her partner’s difficulty with making a choice, about everything. Until, that is, she remembered having had her own Barbie collection, hard-earned with chore money, when she herself was young!
She realized that having had access to unfettered inspiration may have actually helped her to grow into the strong and independent woman she’d become. She laughed at her own outrage against her very own history. They left the store
smiling and with a couple of dolls in their shopping bags.
It’s helpful to remember when you were just beginning to learn, to grow and to “become”, so that you might be gentle with those who are now trying to do the same.
Offer gently guidance, and be patient with mistakes and missteps.
And try not to hold them or yourself hostage to your own tangled roots. If the tangle is too much to handle, contact a qualified therapist to help.
Quotes for Intentional Living -5/29/10
Published May 29, 2010 Quotes for Intentional Living Leave a CommentTags: couples, inspirational quotes, intentional living, quotes to inspire, Relationships, solitude
Quote for Intentional Living
“I hold this to be the highest task for a bond between two people: that each protects the solitude of the other.”
Rainer Maria Rilke
… but the slipper didn’t fit.
Published May 27, 2010 Relationships Leave a CommentTags: acts like a princess, Relationships
“She acted like a total princess…
and my only choice was to be either a prince or a court jester!”
This is what my client, describing the reasons for his divorce, told me about his former wife. While the story soon became more complete , it was
helpful to hear his description of what it was like to feel restricted in the relationship roles that were available to him due to her need, as he described her, to be seen as both special and central to any partner’s life.
Many times in the course of providing relationship counseling I hear this story with different descriptions of the roles, and the parts being played assigned to different partners. Often this results in the same frustrations as this client experienced, and then sometimes both partners are quite happy with well-defined and even confining roles, and their challenges lay elsewhere.
If in your relationship you are feeling held in one or two roles that feel constricting, it might be time to discuss with your partner seeing a therapist together, to help lighten and enliven your connection with each other. And, you can ask yourself if you might be, with the best of intentions, restricting your partner is a way that prevents her or his full growth and full contentment. It’s OK to be princess and prince, or even court jester, if by choice and if other options are available.
Can’t quite figure it out, or can’t find a way to expand and enjoy the roles you each play in your relationship?
Call today for an appointment to illuminate and explore the possibilities.
Looking for your missing piece?
Published April 15, 2010 Relationships Leave a CommentTags: couples counseling, finding a match, finding a partner, partnering, partners who fit, Relationships, romantic partners, single looking for a partner, singles counseling
Are you having a difficult time finding a partner?
Sometimes a person is looking for a “match” – someone just like him or her, who likes and dislikes the all of the same things and who will not present too much challenge to one’s preferences and beliefs.
Other times a person may be looking for a partner who is a good “fit” – someone who complements and enhances, and who may compensate for their deficits.
This little illustrated story, by Shel Silvestein, is a sweet and telling tale of partnering, and offers another perspective. I hope you enjoy it, and take the time to consider its life-lesson.
http://www.osorhan.com/bigo/index.php (there may be a message “website cannot be found” – just continue to click on “next” under the drawing)
If you’re having trouble with finding a romantic partner, perhaps the problem is how you view “partnering.” Consider seeing a professional therapist to discover whether (or
not) you may need to make some personal changes that will make it more likely you’ll find someone who can roll with you!
Find yourself first, then when your “vision” is clear, look for your hoped-for partner.
Call today for an appointment.
Getting to know you, part 2.
Published January 14, 2010 Relationships Leave a CommentTags: dating, meeting people, new relationships, Relationships
