psychotherapy | Tools for Intentional Living

Posts Tagged 'psychotherapy'

Haunted??? (re-posted from 2009)

Published October 25, 2010 Mental Health Issues Leave a Comment
Tags: bad memories, haunted by memories, past trauma, psychotherapy, therapy

Are you haunted by the ghosts of a difficult past experience? Or perhaps by the demons of still-current destructive urges? Perhaps the Halloween celebrations can also be celebrations of your freedom from thoughts that go “bump” in the night.

ghost2 It seems that many people are haunted by experiences that were traumatic and that endure in a way that infuses and even invades their daily life. Sometimes these are childhood experiences and sometimes they come from more recent events. In both cases, they may follow us where ever we go, poking our spirit with unwelcome memories and disturbing images. Sometimes a certain voice echoes in our hearts with hurtful words, and lingers with a chill even on the warmest day. Clients have told me of old voices of former partners who taunted them with “You just don’t want me to have more of him.” or “I could have anyone else in 5 minutes” or “Why should I care? What’s the point?” Other times the memory and voice is from long ago, from family or family friends, distant and hollow yet still powerful and able to pierce deeply and painfully with messages of “this is the last time.”

Difficult or even terrible memories of personal trauma from accidents, crime victimization, the sudden loss of loved ones, and the diagnosis of challenging or terminal medical conditions can also haunt us and cast a somber mood over our every moment.

If you find yourself chased by the ghosts of times and events past or present, and cannot within yourself bring them away into the light, it’s time to seek the help of a qualified therapist to help you re-kindle your imagination in a more positive and hopeful way. It’s time to start on a path of freedom from what haunts you. wind1

Call today to blow a breath of fresh air into your life, and chase those ghosts, and even those demons, away.

Therapy is not magic.

Published December 7, 2009 Musings Leave a Comment
Tags: patience in therapy, psychotherapy, taking time to change, the process of change, therapy

It takes hard work and perseverance to change habits of thought, feeling and behavior that have had years to become entrenched.

But the changes you can make in therapy may feel almost magical!

Many clients initially feel frustrated and impatient at not being able to immediately make substantial changes in their life once they begin therapy. Often the emotional ache has been on the surface for some time before a person makes the decision to actually begin psychotherapy. Once having begun, the work of discovering, illuminating and altering deep feelings and beliefs, then changing behaviors accordingly, you may feel some impatience to have your life quickly reflect your commitment to change. Usually however the process of making real and lasting change takes time.

My suggestion is that you accept your natural pace of making changes, and in the beginning focus more on the discovery and illumination aspects of therapy. Rushing into changes without understanding the emotional source of your past choices my feel safely gratifying, but may not result in the sustained changes that will ultimately bring you more of what you want in life. True, it can be challenging to really examine your life and how it came to be what it is. It might result in feeling of remorse or loss or anger. You may find you have to forgive others for their transgressions, and forgive yourself for your conduct towards others. There may even be events and situations that you wish you could “fix” but are unable to do so. You will not be smiling after every therapy session, as the difficult thoughts and feeling you have bubble to the service. What may surprise you however, and leave you feeling emotionally stronger is the recognition that you can do better. Not everything is in your control, but you can be in control of yourself and so build a more intentional life style. You can come to terms with your past behavior and either confirm or change your future choices, so that before too long you have created a new history through new conduct.

Consider beginning psychotherapy, and giving yourself the time to change that you deserve.

As you make changes, as you feel better about your life, and the people around you begin to relate to you more positively, you may even begin to feel as though you finally pulled a rabbit out of a hat!

Learn to open your safe- safely.

Published September 21, 2009 Mental Health Issues Leave a Comment
Tags: making changes, personal change, psychotherapy, small changes in therapy, therapy

“The control of our being is not unlike the combination of a safe. One turn of the knob rarely unlocks the safe. Each advance and retreat is a step toward one’s goal.” Eric Hoffer

Clients sometimes ask me, in the first therapy session, how long it will take. How long until they feel better? How long until others feel better about them? It’s also often the beginning of a client’s realization and acceptance that there are things I don’t know about them or about how therapy will work for them – and therefore the very beginning of our authentic relationship.

What comes next is something akin to, though not as simple or expressive as Eric Hoffer’s quote that opened this post. For any reader who is contemplating beginning therapy, or has just begun, there could be no more succinct nor more accurate statement about the process of psychotherapy. There is no scripted easy road to personal transformation. Finding our way to a personal awakening, a new beginning, to self forgiveness, self direction and intentional living, is not simply a movement from step A to step Z. It requires of us, client and therapist alike, that we formulate goals yet understand that not all goals are reached or reachable, that we accept some frailties as a legitimate component of the human condition, and that we have and practice the patience and courage to set a course complete with destination, yet succumb to wandering.

As you engage psychotherapy as a guide and inspiration for your personal change, remember Mr. Hoffer’s quote. Let yourself become comfortable with alternately knowing and not knowing where it will lead. Wander through your life with curiosity and the confidence that your therapist will serve as a guide.

And remember: All those who wander are not lost.

May you have a safe and enlightening journey.

The First Snowfall of Impossible Change

Published August 5, 2009 Musings Leave a Comment
Tags: fear of change, intentional living, psychotherapy, self determination

There are those moments in each of our lives when first we have a glimmer of change…

… in ourselves, deep within where the meanings are; and perhaps even in others - though there are limits to what we can see and know of them. These can be disconcerting and challenging times, these early drifts of impending evolution which we sense are about to wash over us so softly and yet so completely that they leave a new landscape upon which we will then walk… traveling through our life differently for ever after. Often these glimmers are accompanied by a nagging fear that implores us to hold onto the familiar and find solace in what we already know, or at least believe. It’s then that we are at our most vulnerable for not letting go, for not stepping into a new source of self-illumination that reveals us to ourselves. Saying “yes” to new possibilities lifts the curtain of denial that all too often shrouds our vision of our potential.

All of us are capable of anything, of everything, and it in those moments of self-seeing that can be found the path to new forms of joy and contentment, to new versions of sadness and acceptance and to new methods for giving, receiving, sacrifice and transformation.

Embrace the changes as you would accept having to turn on the lights as you enter a dark room. You can choose to live in one room only, or accept that you have to continuously enter darkened rooms in order to move into the future with time itself, for none of us can know exactly what the next moment may bring. We breathe, in and out, just as the ocean falls upon the shore, hesitates, then retreats to gather for another surge. Such is the Way of things. And our spirits are no different than this when we are as one with the Way.

Bring your fears of what-is-to-come into therapy and find a resting place, and thoughtful planning place, for your inevitable journey.

The pathway to self-knowledge and self-determination is well-traveled, there are many footsteps to follow.

You will not be alone.

The Dignity of Daring… one more reason for psychotherapy.

Published April 26, 2009 Musings Leave a Comment
Tags: friends vs therapists, psychotherapy, therapy, why go to therapy

Engaging in psychotherapy should be both challenging and affirming.

You can learn about yourself in unexpected ways, becoming more aware of the impact you have on others and how your thinking and actions can impact your own future. Some people who have not yet made the commitment to therapy with a professional therapist ask a reasonable question: do I really need a qualified professional psychotherapist to help me see myself more clearly? Why not just ask my good friends for some honest feedback?

Of course it’s a great idea to talk with close friends about difficult feelings and personal challenges. It can help to bring you important perspectives on your thinking and feelings, and on your behavior. It can also help to strengthen the bonds between you and your friends that will sustain your relationship over time and help those relationships to weather periods of strain so that you can come to trust the durability of the friendship.

Still, having a professional therapist, not centrally involved in your life, who will both support you and challenge you, help you search for answers and, more importantly, help you to ask the right questions, is a unique feature of psychotherapy that offers you a chance to achieve a different kind of personal growth. The words of Karl Von Durkheim so nicely state this phenomenon:

“The man, who, being really on the Way, falls upon hard times in the world will not, as a consequence, turn to that friend who offers him refuge and comfort and encourages his old self to survive. Rather, he will seek out someone who will faithfully and inexorably help him to risk himself, so that he may endure the suffering and pass courageously through it. Only to the extent that man exposes himself over and over to annihilation, can that which is indestructible arise within him. In this lies the dignity of daring.”

This then is the element of psychotherapy which is not reliably found among the most well-meaning of friends and family. This intent and capacity to both support and encourage you to risk your emotional comfort so that you might discover new and important things about yourself is central to effective therapy. When your desire for personal growth, or your determination to end your emotional pain, moves you to talk about it, try both kinds of help:

Talk to your friends for support, and make an appointment with a qualified psychotherapist to get the kind of help that will challenge you to change yourself and thereby change your life.

Call today to make an appointment.

Stats for therapy are interesting and concerning.

Published January 22, 2009 Mental Health News Leave a Comment
Tags: Mental Health News, psychotherapy, underserved young adults

The Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration recently release a report with some concerning statistics. While they estimate that over 24 million people age 18 and older experienced a serious psychological challenge during 2008, less than 50% of received any kind of mental health service. Included in the review were issues such as anxiety. Rates for those experiencing mental distress were highest for young adults (18 to 25 years old) and lowest for people over the age of 50. Alarmingly, those same young adults were least likely to received services 29%) versus over 50% of people over age 50.

The disparity by age group could be partially result of both recognition (younger people may be less likely to recognize mental distress as a serious condition) as well as resources (older people may have better insurance coverage and more expendable income). The numbers are nevertheless concerning. Untreated mental distress can deepen and become a more significant or debilitating challenge, and the prevalence among young people of having untreated mental distress hints at future challenges in the mental health profession.

Anyone experiencing mental distress would be well advised to seek treatment early, as you would with any other condition affecting your well-being.

Further is must be noted that nearly all public media messages about mental and emotional distress are produced by pharmaceutical companies as they market their drugs. I have yet to see one of these ads recommend psychotherapy as either an alternative or an adjunct therapy. These stats indicate that we must do a better job of publicly talking about mental health issues and the array of interventions that are available.

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Tools for Intentional Living – Dr. J. Nickens