Tools for Intentional Living – Dr. J. Nickens

Are people resisting your suggestions?

Maybe you’re coming on too strongly!

Here are some tips to keep your “critiques” from becoming too critical, and help you to be easier on the ears of family and friends.

  *  Pause before speaking: Do whatever works to help you consider your words before you speak.  Perhaps counting to 3, or taking a couple of deep breaths will help.  What you need is just enough time, and presence of mind, to ask yourself if your observation is really so important that the person simply must hear it.  After some consideration you may decide that forgoing your opportunity to comment was both wise and gracious.

*  Walk in their shoes:  Try to consider how you would receive the same critique you are about to offer.  Would you graciously accept your own words, or would you feel stung by their sharpness?  This is simply another version of the Golden Rule.

* Find a better venue for giving advice:  If you like giving advice, and feel you are good at understanding various situations and how to best deal with them, perhaps you can find an outlet for your interest and talent.  There are numerous opportunities available if you want to focus your efforts in a place where they might be appreciated.  You might, for example, volunteer at a teen career center, or at recreational center for elders.  The point is to find people who are asking for ideas and suggestions rather than push yours at those who don’t ask for them.

Sometimes it’s helpful to give unsolicited ideas, but all too often it isn’t.  Try these tips before you target someone for help they aren’t asking for.