Tools for Intentional Living – Dr. J. Nickens

My client came to his appointment with a letter he’d received.

It was an apology, of sorts, from a former lover.  Of sorts, because after the initial statement saying “Sorry”, the letter moved on to say how much she’d lost from her life since he’d last seen her and how she felt betrayed by former friends.  While he was sad to hear of these things, he’d had nothing to do with those events, having not seen her for a few years prior. 

What he’d lost during his relationship with her was, however, another story.   She had done some terribly hurtful things to him, things that crushed his self-esteem, ended his relationship with a few friends, and diminished his trust in others.  And she’d done them knowingly and intentionally, she’d later admitted.  She’d laughed while she said hateful things, had told him she’d maybe do it all again the same way, and then told lies to mask her own behavior.

Now she was saying “Sorry.”  But “For what?”,  he wondered aloud.  Maybe for having had the relationship at all, but not for what she then did to so deeply and enduringly wound him.   She wished for everyone’s happiness.  He shook his head, perplexed.   “Yes, he hoped she would be happy.”  It was his way after all. 

Him?  He didn’t think it likely anytime soon.

I sat with him as he alternated between downcast silence and pained questions.  He talked and I listened.  Then near the end of the session, I talked while he listened.   Finally we shared a few moments of silence.

The session ended as he remembered why he’d started therapy – to illuminate and amplify the elements of his life that he wanted more of, and to shed the brimming sadness that had become his memories.  He turned again toward this goal, and made another appointment.

And as he left he gently dropped the letter into the small wastebasket.

If you are struggling with an emotional wound that burns beyond it’s time, and are not sure how to extinguish the flame, contact a qualified therapist today, and learn how to light a new and positive fire in your heart, and to rekindle your hope for your future.

Call today!