“Abundance is, in large part, an attitude.”

     Sue Patton Thoele

Many people gamble a little and do so with discretion and responsible limits.  But some people do have a problem, and even more are on the edge of developing a problem with limiting and controlling their gambling.

Here are some warning signs:

• Needing to gamble larger and larger amounts to maintain the thrill.

• Blocks of time that are unaccounted for.

• Mood swings based on winning or losing .

• Using retirement funds or life insurance to finance gambling.

Some states, including California, sponsor a specialized Problem Gambling program.  The California version provides free counseling with specially trained therapists. 

Just contact the California Office of Problem Gambling (1-800-426-2537) or in another state contact the State Dept of Mental Health for a referral.

 Get help today, for yourself or for someone else.

Quote for Intentional Living

“The dogmas of the quiet past are inadequate to the stormy present.  The occasion is piled high with difficulty,and we must rise with the occasion.

As our case is new, so we must think anew and act anew.”

                          Abraham Lincoln

“Men like it when women let them know when they’re happy. Women like it when men share their anger and frustration.

Well, that sounds like a bit of a problem.

But the good news, researchers say, is that what matters most in a relationship is whether it feels like the other person is really trying to relate to the emotions, whether they’re happy or sad.

It’s not so hard to understand why men get satisfaction out of seeing their wife or girlfriend happy. Wouldn’t anyone?

But the notion that women like seeing their mate angry, sad or frustrated is more of a puzzle. What’s up with us, women?

But the findings are consistent with what we know about couples, says Shiri Cohen, a clinical psychologist and researcher at Massachusetts General Hospital. She asked 156 couples to remember incidents in the relationship that upset them, and compared their reactions.  “The women tend to want to engage around conflict,” she told Shots. “They’re deriving more satisfaction when they see that their partner is upset.”

Evidently we women see a man’s willingness to share negative feelings as a sign that he’s invested in the relationship. Cohen says: “That’s telling her something about his availability to engage in the conflict.”

Men feel exactly the opposite about those moments of conflict: They see it as a threat to the relationship. Instead, Cohen says, “They do derive satisfaction when their girlfriends or wives are happy.”  The findings were just published in the Journal of Family Psychology.

So I guess we women have to stop and take notice at those moments of male happiness. And men could profit by starting a sentence with the phrase “I feel bad about ….”

But both sexes benefit when they make it clear they’re empathizing with the other’s feelings, be they good or bad.

“It’s sometimes difficult for partners to look past what their own emotions are,” Cohen says. “It helps to know that different kinds of emotions can enhance the way people feel about their relationships”.”  [ Re-printed in full from the NPR Health Blog on March 6, 2012]

Be intentional about making each other happy. 

Contact a qualified therapist today to begin learning how to identify and communicate your real inner feelings.

Usually we think of “doing” rather than “not doing” when considering “intentional” behavior.  Yet there are moments when self-denial may be a good decision, and avoidance of some experiences leaves open the potential for other experiences. Here, poetically illuminated by Nadira, we see that living intentionally can also mean denying oneself. 

DENIAL  

There are questions
I will not ask
Though I know
Well, the answers.
There are waters
I will not tread
Though I know
Just how to swim.

There are songs
I cannot sing
Though the heart
Hums its desires
There are are wines
I will not sip
From the goblets
Filled to the brim.

There is an air
I cannot breathe
Though good
For my jaded self
There are places
Where I cannot linger
In the nooks of
The grassy dell

There are rainbows
I will not reach for
There are summits
I cannot climb
There are textures
I will not touch
And scents
I dare not smell.

There are streams
I will not surf through
And pebbles
I cannot pick
There are roads
I will not ride on
Though I’m sure
Of the winding way.

There are days
Robbed of rest
And nights
Devoid of dreams
But there’s a life
I will not lust for
It’s a heaven
Where I cannot stay.

                                                     posted on www.Nadirafromkannur.com 

Learn to be comfortable living within your emotional means. 

Contact a qualified therapist and say “yes” to exploring the inner satisfaction of living intentionally.

Quote for Intentional Living

“Only those who are ravaged by Love

     know Love.

                                                   Rumi

It was an apology, of sorts, from a former lover.  Of sorts, because after the initial statement saying “Sorry”, the letter moved on to say how much she’d lost from her life since he’d last seen her and how she felt betrayed by former friends.  While he was sad to hear of these things, he’d had nothing to do with those events, having not seen her for a few years prior. 

What he’d lost during his relationship with her was, however, another story.   She had done some terribly hurtful things to him, things that crushed his self-esteem, ended his relationship with a few friends, and diminished his trust in others.  And she’d done them knowingly and intentionally, she’d later admitted.  She’d laughed while she said hateful things, had told him she’d maybe do it all again the same way, and then told lies to mask her own behavior.

Now she was saying “Sorry.”  But “For what?”,  he wondered aloud.  Maybe for having had the relationship at all, but not for what she then did to so deeply and enduringly wound him.   She wished for everyone’s happiness.  He shook his head, perplexed.   “Yes, he hoped she would be happy.”  It was his way after all. 

Him?  He didn’t think it likely anytime soon.

I sat with him as he alternated between downcast silence and pained questions.  He talked and I listened.  Then near the end of the session, I talked while he listened.   Finally we shared a few moments of silence.

The session ended as he remembered why he’d started therapy – to illuminate and amplify the elements of his life that he wanted more of, and to shed the brimming sadness that had become his memories.  He turned again toward this goal, and made another appointment.

And as he left he gently dropped the letter into the small wastebasket.

If you are struggling with an emotional wound that burns beyond it’s time, and are not sure how to extinguish the flame, contact a qualified therapist today, and learn how to light a new and positive fire in your heart, and to rekindle your hope for your future.

Call today! 

On Valentine’s Day we all tend to focus on the love of another, perhaps someone near, perhaps someone far away, perhaps someone who exists only in our dreams.  What is too often overlooked is the importance of loving oneself.

Self love, along with self-appreciation and self-respect, can be illusive when we are conditioned to believe that such feelings are wrong.  The descriptions I’ve heard from clients in my office range from the official-sounding “narcissist” to the more colorful “full of herself.”   

 What I too seldom hear is the inclination toward love of self, expressed in a  wholesome and self-aware way that is at once modest and exhuberant! 

 So on this Valentine’s Day, take a moment to embrace your own spirit and recognize your unique attributes, as you smile upon the smile of someone you help to feel loved.

And if you’re having trouble finding genuine love for yourself, consider contacting a professional therapist to help you illuminate the love within, and to connect you to the love-of-self you deserve.

BUT don’t rush it either!  Too often someone will simply say to themselves “Oh well.  Too bad.  I wish it hadn’t happened but there’s no point in dwelling on it.”

On the contrary, it’s much more helpful – and mature – to dwell long enough to review your behavior and seriously think about how to avoid it in the  future.   In this time of reflection you may discover underlying issues that helped propel you to regretful conduct, and thereby have a chance to not only avoid similar circumstance, but to heal yourself and reconcile with others in a more meaningful way.

So although it is painful, and perhaps laden with sadness, take time to move THROUGH rather than move on, and build strength within yourself rather than just image for others to mistakenly admire.

Of course this process is sometimes difficult to do on your own.  You may fool yourself again, as you did the first time!  Contact a qualified therapist to help you find your way through and then past your grief and guilt.

Call today for an appointment, and begin the process of self-forgiveness.

Quote for Intentional Living

“Don’t be afraid of the space between your dreams and reality.

If you can dream it, you can make it so.”

                           Belva Davis